Frustration is part of the human experience, and it shows up in our careers, our relationships, our personal goals, and even in our politics. The source of our frustration is often easy to identify, and research indicates that people customarily opt for one of four different responses when they hit a breaking point, and that our responses are influenced by two key factors: Our perception of the control we can exert over the situation, and our level of commitment to/caring about the circumstance and the people involved.
This idea was first developed by the economist, Albert Hirschman, and was recently expanded on by Adam Grant in a booked called “Originals: How Non-Conformists Move The World.”
According to Grant, the four actions we take when we’re exasperated can be categorized as follows: Exit, Voice, Persistence, or Neglect.
Exit: You sense the situation is completely out of control and decide the only thing left to do is exit the scene; your commitment is not strong enough to keep you there any longer.
Exit-Associated Actions:
- Leaving the country because you strongly oppose the policies of the current administration;
- Quitting your job because you can’t tolerate the way your boss manages you;
- Leaving a relationship because your spouse is critical and demeaning.
Voice: You care deeply about a situation, and you make your concerns known, allowing yourself to be seen and heard, taking steps to make positive changes.
Voice-Associated Actions:
- Becoming politically active; participating in a protest; running for office;
- Opening a conversation with your boss, suggesting ways s/he could be more supportive;
- Having a conversation with your spouse about healthy communication; suggesting couples counseling.
Persistence: You’re 100% committed to the situation, but you’ve given up trying to change the things you deem inappropriate and unworkable. You’re resigned to taking it on the chin.
Persistence-Associated Actions:
- Continuing to live in the country and supporting the government, even though you disagree with the policies of elected officials;
- Accepting your boss’s disrespectful behavior, and continuing to give your absolute best when you’re on the job;
- Ignoring your spouse’s comments and remaining steadfast and supportive in the marriage.
Neglect: You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that nothing can be done to improve the situation. You’ve essentially checked-out and are only doing the bare minimum to maintain status quo.
Neglect-Associated Actions:
- Avoiding all political discussions; neglecting to vote;
- Remaining with a job you dislike, and simply going through the motions;
- Staying in an unhappy marriage, and taking up a hobby that keeps you out of the house and away from your spouse.
The Exit-Voice-Persistence-Neglect model is, in fact, on a spectrum, and there are shades and overlaps of these responses depending on each unique situation. That said, our personal biases can swing our actions in a particular direction, and if you look closely, you may identify a habitually go-to archetype for dealing with frustrating circumstances.
Grant’s work indicates that if you feel stuck in a situation, you will choose the Persistence template when you are committed, and the Neglect template when you’re not. Conversely, If you think it’s possible to make changes, but aren’t committed, you will choose the Exit template.
Additionally, only when you deeply care about a particular situation, and when it seems feasible for you to make an impact, will you be likely to choose the Voice template in dealing with your frustrations.
Food for thought: Regardless of whether or not you feel frustrated, stuck, or disenfranchised, the research reveals that personal regret is higher in people who remain silent versus those who speak up and take action.
