Maxwell Maltz, a renowned writer in the field of psychology, said “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” And he was right. The lack of self-esteem or confidence can really have a negative impact on your belief in yourself, which in turn, impacts your attitude, your behavior and the results you achieve.
Confidence is simply the strength of your belief in yourself and it has a profound impact on how you show up in the world. Developing your confidence is a powerful way to set yourself up for success in any endeavor. So, how can you build confidence? Here are five ways to get started:
Build & Tap Into Your Experience – You get more confident when you do and accomplish more. Your experience and achievements in a certain area of your life will provide you with that self-esteem boost that you are capable. The important takeaway is that practice works and helps you build confidence. A confidence booster hack that I use is to mentally catalog any situation when I’m going through something challenging, so that the next time I face a similar challenge, I can build on that experience and remind myself that I’ve pushed through successfully before.
Practice Vicarious Learning – We now know how the brain processes experience in order to encode learning, build performance capacity and, in turn, grow more confident. Through the existence of mirror neurons, we can accelerate learning not just through our own direct experience and practice, but also through observation and indirect experience. In other words, you can gain the brain benefits of other people through short-term exposure to simulation. By seeing others succeed by sustained effort, effective strategies or skill sets, we’re able to raise our beliefs that we too possess the capabilities to master comparable activities to succeed.
There are countless examples. Just think of something you want to get better at. It could be your golf swing, cold calling or being a more polished speaker. By observing and learning what others do who are better than you, you can activate your mirror neurons which accelerate the learning process. And that increased knowledge and ability leads to more confidence.
Seek Social Validation – When others share positive feedback about your efforts, intentions or performance; that feedback is a confidence booster. It’s no wonder that social media can be addicting, because it often validates us and our desire to be seen as worthy. Any type of praise or positive feedback validates that we are on the right path. So, surround yourself with people who support, encourage and recognize your efforts.
Recognize, however, that the opposite can be true as well. If you are given criticism, you will have to minimize the negative impact of that feedback. The best way is to adapt a “growth mindset” where you view failure or your shortcomings as an opportunity to challenge yourself and continue to learn and grow.
Of course, how you react to and internalize feedback is critical as well. Top performers are feedback junkies. In other words, they seek out immediate feedback as a means to better learn and improve. And they don’t shy away from negative feedback, because that’s where the real growth can happen.
Use Positive Self-Talk and Personal Affirmations – While what others say about us or to us can shape what we believe and how we show up, what we say to ourselves is even more critical. Research is clear that negative self-talk is extremely deflating and can even be debilitating. It often leads to some form of learned helplessness where we simply give up and feel like we’re not good enough.
On the other hand, a sense of optimism and a practice of positive self-talk is affirming and will give you the resiliency to push forward when faced with potential roadblocks or challenges. Monitor your own inner dialogue and focus on positive thoughts and affirmations and reframing negative biases. For instance, instead of saying to yourself, “I’m really bad at this. I just can’t do it.” Reframe the inner chatter by saying something like, “I’m not experienced or trained at this yet. So, I will focus on what I need to learn to get better. I’m sure I will be able to master it with the right effort.”
Visualize The Possibilities – It’s not surprising that Olympic athletes and other top performers use visualization to build confidence. By imagining yourself in a position to achieve some important goal, you grease the wheels of success and bolster your belief in yourself.
Michael Phelps, the most decorated swimmer in Olympic history, was well-known for his visualization practice. “I would visualize the best and worst-case scenarios, whether I get disqualified or my goggles fill up with water or I lose my goggle or I come in last. I’m ready for anything.” That mental preparation gave Michael the confidence he needed in every situation he found himself in, because he had been there before. One such incident was in the 2008 Beijing Olympics where Michael won eight gold medals. After diving off the block for the 200-meter butterfly competition, Michael’s goggles cracked and filled with water, making visibility impossible. Instead of panicking, Michael was able to successfully tap into his past visualization exercises and finish the race with a win.
