It happens to the best of us at one point or another. That nasty word none of us wants to speak out loud. Failure! Sometimes it stings so badly and drags us so far down that we feel as though there is a perpetual storm cloud over our heads. Then it happens; you find yourself in a bona fide funk. To add insult to injury, now that you already feel pretty beat down, it “seems” as if everyone else around you is wildly successful. Even the fact that the kid next door won the kindergarten spelling bee is killing you. HELP!
Failure is one of those things out there that no one really prepares you for; it just gets handed to you. What I mean to say is, your parents tried to shelter you from it, they don’t offer Failure 101 in college, and most (not all) people out there don’t want to talk about their failures unless it’s an opportunity to commiserate with yours. What I would like to share with you is something that will give you a shot in the arm and get you back on your feet. Most of us have heard the term “negative self talk.” This is when you start playing tapes in your head that reaffirm your belief that “Yes, things are really this bad” or “Yes, it seems you fail all of the time.” Here is a simple exercise to get you to yank those tapes out of your head and toss them in the trash.
I call this the “I have kicked butt in the past and I will kick butt in the future” exercise.
The exercise is pretty simple. Go grab a legal pad or a spiral notebook. Here it is…ready? I give you a few sentences to think about and you write every single thing that pops into you head until you can’t write anything else down. Go back as far as you can remember. If you fill up one page keep going to the next.
Below are a few sentences to help get you started:
I remember when I was successful in my job the time I_______________ and then when I ____________ as well as the time I______________ … (Keep going)
I had a real moment of warmth in my relationships the time I_____________ and when I ______________ and the time I_____________ …(Keep going)
I had a real moment of feeling awesome about my health and fitness when I____________ and then the time I _________and when I______________…(Keep going)
I remember when I felt great giving back to my community or the people I love when I__________ and the time I helped ________________ and when I____________…(Keep going)
The first time I was really on top of it with money was when I____________ and when I ___________as well as the time I ____________…(Keep going)
After you have finished this exercise go back and read all of the things you have written and ask yourself the following questions:
- How do I feel – right now?
- What did I learn about myself after doing this activity?
- What is the next challenge for me that I know will result in success?
It’s important to understand self-doubt and feeling down is all part of the human condition. You can feel like you are falling and there is no bottom. I know I have been there. If it’s moving into depression that’s becoming chronic, I always advise getting some professional help. The biggest breakthrough I had going through this exercise was realizing, “Hey, this it isn’t a permanent condition. Here is proof I was on top of the world so I can get there again.” This exercise alone really pulled me out of a bad spot and it help yank those negative self talk tapes out of my head and put in a fresh batch of head banging, rock-on, I-feel-good tapes. I hope it has the same effect for you.
