Are You Brave Enough To Say “No” To Mediocrity (BTW, Few Are)

Since my last blog post was on limit-busting, I thought a good follow-up would be something that I encounter in my work (and life) every day. In fact, I often end a client presentation with a drawing inspired by Seth Godin’s book, The Dip. It’s a way for me to visually share with my clients that it’s easy to get sucked into a life, a career or an organization where ‘good enough’ is enough. It’s safe, it’s secure, it’s easy…and it’s mediocre.

More importantly it’s a choice that we make every single day. When we choose to do ‘good enough,’ we are making a choice, whether consciously or by default. And it’s a choice that chips away at us over time. It’s a choice that says, I can coast. I can do enough to get by. I can exert some effort and energy, but I don’t have to give it my all. It’s a choice of mediocrity.

We’re all guilty at some level. Some much more than others. I have a challenge that I give to my clients. But before I go there with you, let me share a story.

My awakening came about seven or eight years ago. I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever, but was I settling for ‘good enough,’ despite my intentions to live a more inspired life?

It started with turning 50. Obviously, it’s a milestone birthday and, in my mind, it’s the “official” passing into middle-age (Yes, I’ve always thought I would live to be at least 100). It was the perfect time for me to assess, I mean really assess, all aspects of my life – physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, career, relationships/family, etc.

So at 50, I began a very purposeful journey of self-discovery. And I didn’t like everything that I found.

Months after I turned 51, I traveled to New Zealand for my first Ironman race. It was the culmination of a year of training, preparing physically and mentally for what would be the most challenging feat of my life. I wanted to push my limits and I also wanted to be open to transforming my day-to-day life in a way that would shake me up, wake me up and take me up.

I was challenged by a soleus (calf) injury prior to the race. Through a body-talk (mind-body energy work) session with my dearest friend Beth after I arrived in New Zealand, I was able to heal myself when traditional sports doctors couldn’t. The experience opened me up. And it was compounded by the outpouring of love and support for my endeavor from friends far and wide days before my big race. I was humbled in a way that had me weeping in a hotel room in Taupo, New Zealand days before the race. I was literally “bawling like a baby.” It was a rush of emotion, the likes of which I have rarely experienced. It was cathartic.

My heart had never felt so much gratitude. It was a flashpoint of clarity for the richness of my life. But it was also a tipping point for wanting more in my life. More boldness. More meaning. More purpose.

A day before the race, my daughter sent me the following:

I found this quote and it made me think of you.

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.”

 You are too strong to let doubt slow you down…I am very proud of you!!

I love you Dad.

Side note, the soleus injury that my sports doc said would impact my Ironman and which had flared up just days before the race, became a non-issue. After my body-talk session with Beth, I was miraculously healed. And after the outpouring of love and support I received from my daughter and others, my race experience became a way to celebrate gratitude for others, rather than my own personal achievement.

I spent six-weeks after the race traveling with Beth throughout New Zealand. The landscapes were spectacular, the people were warm and welcoming, and our conversations were deep and meaningful. Away from the day-to-day demands of life and work, I was able to go deeper into a process of self-discovery and Beth was the perfect companion for this adventure. Having lost her husband to a brain tumor years before, we were both rebuilding and on a journey to sort through those age-old questions that haunt someone when they want to know themselves and the world more deeply and authentically.

I had conversations and experiences that were beyond anything I had ever had before. I won’t digress on the experiences, but to simply say that I realized, perhaps for the first time in my 51 years, how little I actually knew and how that freed me up for revelations that surprised and humbled me. I found that my trip that started out as a way to feed my ego, was now nurturing my soul. I had gone to a deeper level. I got a glimpse into something much bigger and aligned with what Eckhart Tolle shares with his thoughts, “At the deepest level of Being, you are one with all that is.”

It transformed me in ways beyond my expectations. And beyond what I can adequately express in words.

I saw things more clearly and was more connected to the universe and to my core, which I realized had been masked in many ways over the years by living a life to fit into the expectations of others.

When I came back to the States, I was a changed man. While I looked the same to my friends and colleagues, I was not the same inside. I felt a bit like an alien, a stranger in a familiar land.

Within six-months, I made some very difficult choices. I ended a 15-year long-term relationship, moved on from a ten-year old business that I founded and a business partnership that was at odds with whom I wanted to be and made countless other dramatic and small shifts in my life. The changes, in part, were all built on honestly answering a few simple questions:

• Was I settling for ‘good enough?’
• Was my life and my work providing me the purpose I sought?
• Was this what I wanted for the next 10, 20 or 30 years?

The fact is I had a good life, by all accounts. But it wasn’t great. It wasn’t extraordinary. It wasn’t all it could be. It was mediocre. Perhaps a “high-level” mediocre, but as Seth Godin points out with raw clarity in his book, mediocre is mediocre, regardless of the level.

So here’s the challenge that I give my clients and one that I remind myself of regularly. What do you want? Really want? Do you want to be the best you can be? Or do you want to be ‘good enough?’ Do you hold yourself back because of others? Are you living your life authentically? Or the one expected of you, like I was? Unfortunately, most of us default into living a life that just happens. Without close examination, we find a comfort zone where life is good and we can be happy enough.

And you can settle for ‘good enough.’ There is actually nothing wrong with that. But I want you to make that choice consciously and intentionally. Not just default into it because it’s all you know or all you’ve allowed yourself to be.

Choose what you want. Make a purposeful decision. Your answers to the three questions, as applied to all facets of your life, will help guide you. It is usually hard to change and make difficult choices. That’s why most people settle for what they know. It takes courage to be authentic and to live to your potential. There is a real risk in giving up ‘good enough.’ You may never get to or find ‘extraordinary.’ But rest assured, you will certainly never find it if you settle for a life of mediocrity.