There are people in our lives we respect. It doesn’t come from the position or title they hold, rather from the way they respond to adversity, the way they treat others, and the inspiration they give us through their accomplishments. Sometimes respect is formed deep in our hearts, forged at birth and, over time, held in the highest regard—like the respect one has for one’s mother.
This is a true story of life lessons passed down through generations, and the ripple-effect of their teachings.
Barbara Austin grew up in a small town in Northwest Georgia. She came from a well-to-do traditional southern family, and at the head of the family sat her father, W.H. Austin. He was a strong and ambitious man who’d built a small empire in the milling industry.
With her father as her role model, Barbara pushed herself constantly. She discovered she was academically gifted with a knack for math, science, and critical thinking. Pushing ever harder, she was the first person in her family to graduate from college, and eventually enrolled in a master’s degree program in Chemistry at the University of Georgia. Her goal was to become the next Marie Curie—the first woman to win a Nobel Prize, and the only woman to win it twice. Given Barbara’s career path, that might seem like a logical target, but back then this was extraordinarily ambitious—especially for a woman.
Chemistry in the early 1950’s was a cutting-edge industry. Polymers were rapidly changing the quality of life for most people in the United States, and Barbara was squarely positioned to lead the charge and make a name for herself in this field. That all changed the day her father stepped in and re-directed the course of her life.
He plainly explained that she’d spent enough time dabbling in science, and that it was time for her to come back home and find a husband. Honoring her father’s wishes, Barbara abandoned her studies, and returned to the town of her birth.
As the years went by, Barbara, now in her 30’s, settled into her unadventurous life, living at home with her parents, fulfilling her role as the dutiful daughter. Then, one day, she met an ambitious, self-made man named Charlie Doss, the owner of a local radio station. Charlie possessed a larger-than-life personality and an infectious laugh, and was known for lighting up any room he entered. He was perfectly suited for his chosen profession as a radio man, and established a radio station in Barbara’s hometown.
Barbara, intrigued by the ins and outs of operating a radio station, approached Charlie for a job and was hired as his bookkeeper. The details regarding the genesis of their romantic relationship are vague at this point; however, it is known that during their courtship, Barbara boldly hatched a scheme and approached Charlie with a proposition to purchase a large share of his business: Charlie would be the face of the radio station and Barbara would secretly run the finances as his silent partner, maintaining her unassuming title of bookkeeper. Charlie enthusiastically agreed to this arrangement, and they became a power couple, years before the term was even coined!
Partners in crime, and loving every moment of their joint venture, they eventually married, and in time, were blessed with a little girl who would one day become my wife—Amanda.
Both Charlie and Barbara were smitten with Amanda (to the annoyance of her much older adult half-brothers.) The pair worked very hard to build their business, and kept Amanda close by as much as possible. Amanda fondly recalls the frequency with which she found herself at the radio station while growing up. She would actually refer to the station as her “Big Sister” from time to time.
When Amanda became school aged, her parents decided it was time to create more stability and consistency in her daily life. Barbara would be the one to work part-time and shoulder the responsibility of being a housewife and stay-at-home mother.
Moving forward in her new role, she was known in the community as a loving and supportive wife and a wonderful, nurturing mother. This was not an unusual scenario for women of that generation, nor was the unspoken resentment she felt in regard to her decision to eventually abandon her professional life altogether.
Amanda loved and respected her mother, especially when it came to the advice she received from her. Whether the topic was relationship trouble, dealing with self-doubt, or choosing the right college, Barbara always had strong words of wisdom to pass along to her daughter.
Here are a few that Amanda held closest to her heart:
- Follow your dreams, but keep your head.
- You can be anything you want to be, if you put your mind to it.
- Don’t lose your identity to anyone—ever.
Fast forward to June 2013:
Amanda and I were sitting on our deck while our 9-month old daughter Logan was sleeping quietly upstairs. We were in a deep discussion about finances, and for the third time in her professional life, Amanda was facing a crossroads, weighing out the pros and cons of starting her own business. She’d long since formulated a viable idea, and was furious with herself for having never acted on it. Now with a new baby and a husband with a business venture of his own, it seemed impractical to pursue her dream of owning her own business. The timing just felt all wrong.
I asked her why she was so upset. She stood up out of her chair and exclaimed that her mother always encouraged her to push the envelope and follow her dream, telling her that she could do or be ANYTHING!
Amanda was almost screaming at this point. “WHY can’t I do this? I was groomed to do this my whole life!”
When the moment was right, I asked Amanda to share with me what she’d learned from her mother. She angrily thundered, “I just told you: to push the envelope and follow my dreams!” I replied, “Those were the words she used, and that is what she was hoping to teach you. But what did your mother actually teach you? And what did you actually learn?”
A few moments passed, and then tears began to well up in her eyes. She took a deep breath, looked at the ground and said “I learned to do the exact opposite of what she was hoping to teach me. I learned to do what she had done all those years ago.”
As the truth sank in, she slumped over in her chair, put her face in her hands and wept.
I went over to her and held her in my arms, and looked deeply into her eyes and asked, “And what are the lessons you would like your daughter to learn?”
Later that day, Amanda went online and officially registered her business, Re-Kinect.
Whether you are a mentor, a boss, a family member, or friend, the more respect someone has for you the more likely they are to emulate some part of who you are. What you do and how you live teach a more powerful and far-reaching lesson than any words you will ever speak.
