Confessions Of A Social Media Addict – And Going Cold Turkey (Almost)

Social media is not social.  Selfies are a sickness. And I don’t care what you’re eating.

I’m addicted. There, I said it. I spend too much time on social media. I could rationalize or justify it, and I have in the past:

• I do it for work.
• I do it to stay connected.
• I do it to stay informed.

But regardless of the rationalizations, the truth is that social media takes too much time away from “real” life and I’m moving on.

The Addiction

I have 1,012 friends on Facebook. And I’ve become addicted to the interaction. I guess I’m not alone though. In a recent Harvard University study, the research team discovered that the act of sharing information about yourself activates the same  part of the brain that is associated with the sensation of pleasure – the same pleasure we get from eating chocolate, getting money or having sex.

It’s no wonder why I post a comment or picture on Facebook and then check later to see how many people “liked” it…or better yet, made comments. The lead researcher in the Harvard University study, Diana Tamir, commented, “I think the study helps to explain why people utilize social media websites so often. It helps to explain why Twitter exists and why Facebook is so popular, because people enjoy sharing information about each other.”

But the question that begs to be answered is, “At what cost?” At what cost does our love affair with social media disrupt our lives in a negative way. Other studies certainly point to the dark side of social media. Many articles abound on “Facebook Depression.” It’s a condition that causes some people who are more vulnerable and predisposed to rumination to feel worse about themselves when they compare themselves to their Facebook friends.

Is there another downside? I think the obvious one is time. Social media is fun. It’s addicting. And it can suck the time out of your day. According to a report by Ipsos Open Thinking Exchange in 2013, the average American, between 18 – 64 who uses social networks, spends an average of 3.2 hours per day on social media. And the figures get worse for certain subgroups, two of which I found particularly interesting.

• Business owners spend almost 50% more time than those who don’t own a business (4.4 hours vs. 3 hours)

• Senior executives and decision-makers spend 40% more than those not in those positions (4.2 hours vs. 3 hours)

My guess is that business owners and senior executives may use social media more for business purposes. At the same time, they also probably have more flexibility and control with their time; which can and does lead to abuse. I speak from experience.

On a side note, here’s another disheartening fact. In 2012, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics said the average American watches 2.8 hours of television. Combine that with the 3.2 hours spent on social media and you realize that most of us are spending 6 hours a day on these distractions. That is a whopping 25% of our day! More on this later.

Social Media Is Not Social

The argument can be made that social media has made us less social. So you have 1,000 friends online.  Are they really friends? And are you sacrificing time with your most important life connections for a virtual connection that doesn’t matter in the long run? Of course, social media can enhance existing relationships with our loved ones or help us maintain connections with friends, but the opposite is often the reality.

Parents attend their kids’ soccer game but instead of watching the game, they have their eyes on their smartphone, scrolling down their Twitter feed or browsing the latest YouTube video. Work colleagues sit together at lunch but they are spending more time posting a picture of their meal on Facebook than interacting with each other. The list goes on and on. We see it every single day. And perhaps you are one of those people with your head buried in your laptop, smartphone or tablet, missing out on a real-life connection.

Selfies Are A Sickness

I have one friend in LA who posted 20 pics of himself in the past week on Facebook (yes, I went back and counted). The vast majority of those were selfies and in at least a half-dozen photos, he was holding a wine glass and proclaiming how wonderful life is. And it wasn’t like last week was that different than any other week for him. As I scroll down my newsfeed and see yet another selfie, I catch myself in dismay, “Really?”

Don’t get me wrong, I like to see photos of my friends. But selfies? And selfies every week? I have a theory. If you post more than one selfie of yourself in a month (or five regular pics of yourself – including you with other people), you are either totally self-absorbed or are seriously lacking in self-worth and are seeking validation from others. As with many posts, you are feeding your ego when you post, “look at me, look at me.”

Feeding The Ego

I’m guilty…not of the selfie thing, but of the feeding my ego thing. It started innocently enough. For years and years, I had a Facebook profile but would rarely use it. Then I moved across the country. And I found Facebook was a great way to keep in touch with friends. It was also a great way for me to share my latest adventure.

I intentionally tried NOT to be too obnoxious with it; but that’s all relative. Right? What we perceive as not “too” much for ourselves, is not what others perceive. One friend jokingly told me that if I posted one more pic of the gorgeous scenery on my latest bike ride, he would “unfriend” me. I’m guessing he said what many others were thinking, “Enough is enough.”

But for those all-to-infrequent comments of “enough is enough,” we get a dozen others who egg us on in our self-delusional world:

–       “Wow, beautiful photo.”

–       “I’m jealous…”

–       “Love seeing your pics.”

Those comments just add more fuel to the fire. You feel almost compelled to post more pics. Your public demands it! They love your pics  (at least that’s what you tell yourself). You get consumed in the lovefest – your adoring fans love all of your pics – from your crazy selfies to your photos out with your friends, your “too precious for words” kids, the beautiful scenery overlooking the mountains or the beach, your latest race or the sumptuous meal you’re about to consume. <NOT>

And I Don’t Care What You’re Eating

Ok, I have to admit, I don’t get the whole post-a-meal-thing. I have never posted a pic of a meal (much less taken a photo of one), whether home-cooked or at a fancy restaurant. And I can guarantee that I have no plans to start. Knowing your dietary habits is really not that interesting to me. And I can say by looking at your pics that most of you eat a bunch of crap. Don’t even get me started on what you drink. Just sayin’.

But I guess you may feel the same about my workouts. I hang out with a bunch of athletes. I workout twice a day, most days. I’m a USAT certified coach. So, it’s a big part of my life. But several years ago, I had someone comment about how my posts on my workouts made them feel lazy in comparison. And I took the hint, enough is enough. In my mind, posting something about a workout once or twice in a week was not a big deal. But I guess it’s like someone posting about what they eat. Who cares? I mean, really, who cares? So I biked 75 miles? So you ate at LeMaire? It’s all the same, isn’t it? “Look at me. Look at me.”

I don’t expect that my friends will stop posting things like “Sitting at the airport…,” “Got so much done today,” or some other random tidbit about their day or their dog, but I can choose to be more mindful of the social media junk food that I consume.

Setting Boundaries

The lesson here is that we all have to set our own boundaries. What works for me, may not work for you. Social media is not all good or all bad. Technology is amazing and there are countless ways we can enrich our lives with our gadgets and all the social media platforms out there.

Like anything else in life, our choices come with consequences. More time spent in one area means less time spent in another. We must determine our own priorities based on what’s most important to us.

How much time do you spend on social media or other distractions like TV? What could you do with the time? Are you willing to set boundaries? I’m reminded of the quote from H. Jackson Brown, “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.” Starts to put things in perspective, doesn’t it?

I have set boundaries for myself in the past. And they have worked. For example, I have not downloaded Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn or other social media to my smartphone. I adamantly refuse to be a slave to my phone and I abhor seeing people so absorbed in theirs that they are oblivious to the world around them. I often have my phone cut off and I certainly don’t bring it into restaurants, meetings, the gym or other venues where it’s not necessary.

I have concluded that despite my existing boundaries, I still spend way too much time (particularly at night) surfing different sites. I justify it because I don’t watch TV, so it’s my harmless vice and a way to entertain myself. But what am I giving up in exchange? What’s my bigger vision for myself and how do my habits impact what is most important to me?

So Now What?

I’ve made some new choices. For me, it’s time to break my social media addiction.

It’s funny; when I first contemplated going “cold turkey,” the voice in my head immediately started giving me all the reasons why I shouldn’t. But after reviewing my reasons, most were bogus – meant only to perpetuate my addiction.

So I’m going to do a little experiment. For the month of May, I am restricting my time on all social media to no more than 30 minutes a day. (I’m weak, I know. I’m not ready to give up social media completely. But as a business owner, I will be well below the average time spent by my cohorts). I will also restrict my personal use to off-work hours. And I will not post more than one “personal” post per week.

I realize that to cut something out, I create a void. And so I need to find something that will be a more rewarding use of my time to fill the void. So I thought about what I would enjoy and feel good about when it was all said and done.

For me, my new found time will focus on three primary activities:

• Reading
• Painting
• Building face-to-face relationships

If I spend the several hours a day I was spending on social media on the above activities, I think I will feel good about my choices and simultaneously improve the quality of my life. I’ll report back with my progress.

What about you? Are you willing to set some boundaries, change some habits and join me for a May-To-Remember? Need a little more of a push…check out the video, Look Up.