A few benefits of creating good relationships both in your business and personal world include loyalty, connectivity, recommendations, respect, and admiration. One thing that will help deepen any relationship is being perceived as someone who is positive and upbeat. What I really want to emphasize is the perception of being genuinely positive.
Think about it? How many people do you know seem like they are in a perpetual good mood. Can you think of 1, 3, maybe even 5? It’s hard, isn’t it? Now think of the people that seem pretty “normal.“ I didn’t say negative; I said normal. That’s where most people land. Finally, think of the Debbie Downers and Negative Neds out there. You probably had a few quickly pop into your mind.
If someone is genuinely in a good mood most of the time it’s kinda nice to be around that person. They have a fresh perspective on life and seem almost “bullet proof,” even when they have massive setbacks. How do they stay so optimistic all of the time? Some of us even get annoyed at them – I mean how can anyone keep that up, right?
What if you were that person! You know – you’d get comments like; “How do you stay so upbeat?” or “It’s like you light up a room when you walk in. People just gravitate toward you” or “How do you do that all of the time?” Not a bad way to be perceived, now is it?
So what are you supposed to do four times?
To help yourself, first focus on helping others. It’s easier than you think, just stick to a 4:1 ratio. That means focus on four positive things to every one negative or critical item. To be more precise, when having a conversation with someone, are you observing, acknowledging, and reinforcing at least four positive things that that person has done or is doing.
Here are a few examples from work and home:
- Wow Sam, sounds like you are really working hard on that project and pulling some long hours.
- You know Amanda, it was great that you took that extra time with that client.
- Caroline, I want you to know you really had an impact on that person you helped.
- There are times when I should do that Logan, thanks for pointing that out.
Blowing sunshine?
Someone once told me “That just sounds like you are beating around the bush and blowing sunshine; sometimes people just need to hear how bad it is. Don’t sugar coat it. “ “Really!?” I said, “So, if I verbally cracked you over the skull four times in a conversation to every one compliment or “That- A- Boy,” would you even remember the positive thing I had to say.
Her response back, “Well, no.”
Let’s take it a little further. If your perception was that I only had negative stuff to say all of the time because that was my habit, would that suck? How about if you were surrounded by even more people who were of the same mindset, would it start to affect your mood and your perspective on things?
Response “Well yeah, but normal people don’t do that, do they?”
Doom and gloom 24/7?
Think about that for a moment; really be mindful when you are in a conversation with someone. Are they constantly pointing out what is wrong in the world or talking about that horrible thing that happened to the neighbor or just being catty? When you watch the news, what do they spend most of the time reporting, is it that positive lifestyles piece, probably not? Nobody would be interested in that. To really grab your attention, it has to be downright scary, shocking, and depressing. Even the music you listen to may have negative undertones. Now I’m not saying go hide under a rock or that you should wrap yourself in an unrealistic happy bubble completely unaware of the world around you. I just wonder what would happen if you started paying attention to what is around you all of the time and then start using that nifty little ratio. I remember the first time I made a conscious decisions to become aware of it. It seemed like I was swimming in an ocean of negativity and I had no idea how I got there or how long I been in the muck, but I knew how to get out.
You are what you eat
As humans we tend to mirror what we see and hear. This is sometimes a conscious decision, but more often than not, we don’t even realize we are doing it. Our mood and our perception of the world around us can be greatly influenced by our surroundings. The irony is, even though we don’t think we can control aspects of our surroundings, there are many things within it that we can.
Ask yourself a few of these questions and find out:
What am I feeding my mood through my ears and eyes? Is it a diet of negative or a diet of positive things? What am I reading? What am I watching? What grabs my attention? What is coming out of my mouth and what am I feeding the people, children, and community around me?
When I shared this with the person I was having that conversation with she replied…“Hmm…I haven’t really thought of it that way. I wonder what I do???”
So if you want to deepen your relationships AND make a difference in yourself and those around you think of the 4:1 ratio. Also, be mindful of what you are feeding yourself and the others around you. Do it for a week. I bet even in that short amount of time you will get a few comments that take you off-guard like
- “Thanks for that. When can we meet again, I think I would like to learn more about what you do.”
- “There is something different about you; I mean in a good way.”
- “Did you win the lottery or something?”
- “Where did you get your happy pills?”
- “Thanks Dad, I love you.”
- “Honey, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you.”
Keep doing it and see if you can make it a habit and become that infectious person that just seems to put people in a good mood. I bet it will change yours in the process.
