I was having lunch with a good friend last week. I’ll call him John here. We were discussing our respective business plans and were excited about our new projects. The conversation eventually turned reflective and philosophical (as it often does with John, probably due to his being an expert in Sociology and Teaching Theory). John asked me if my clients struggle with keeping true to their own core values and personal code of ethics in their professional endeavors. I told him that some do have this struggle, and that I’ve devised an exercise to help them get clear on what matters most to them before they embark on launching major projects. (The exercise can also be applied to their overall approach to doing business.) “I had someone do that for me a few years ago,” he said. “The method was a little unorthodox but it had a profound effect on me, and what I learned remains with me to this day.” John began to tell his story:
“In the early 90s, I was in Special Forces training. One morning, very early, I was jarred out of my sleep along with the rest of my platoon and ordered to a pre-dawn rally at the nearby airbase. We were all together on the tarmac for countless hours, nervously awaiting the words GO or NO-GO (to Iraq). You can imagine the intensity of emotions we were feeling and the thoughts flying through our heads as we sat on our rucksacks, waiting for our orders…and for our fate.
After what seemed like an eternity, a seasoned staff sergeant stood in front of us, cleared his throat, and began to speak:
‘Before we go over there I want each of you to think about something long and hard. You have been trained well. You are going to be barraged with tough situations that will call to question your core values and your ethics. You will be repeatedly faced with decisions that will challenge your sense of right and wrong, and you might only have a split second to make crucial decisions. Right now, while you’re sitting here on this tarmac, I want you to imagine all kinds of scenarios involving life and death and human suffering. As you go through these scenarios in your mind, I want you to get clear on where you draw the line for yourself–specifically, what actions you’d either be willing or not willing to take.
Once you’ve gotten clear on that question, you are to keep the answer to yourself. Do not tell another living soul. Trust me, this will serve you down the road. Because once you’re over there in the heat of the moment, facing life-and-death situations, you won’t have time for soul-searching. Luckily, the question at that point won’t be about where you draw the line because you’ve already identified that for yourself today. The question will be: Are you willing to cross that line? Are you willing to violate your own code of ethics? We are talking about what you think is right and wrong—No one else!
So remember this: Once you make the decision to cross that line, it will be all the easier for you to cross it again…and again…and again. And if you cross that line enough times, you will eventually lose sight of the line altogether; it will be as if that line never existed. And putting that line back in place will prove to be nearly impossible–if it ever even dawns on you to do so, which is not likely.”
My friend John was then given orders to stand down and was subsequently shipped back to his base.
The effect that conversation had on him was indeed powerful. Within a few years he was pursuing a Ph.D.and had rewritten a whole new life for himself–one with a wife and family and with clearly defined values.
As a parent he does his best to allow his children to discover their own values. He created a simple method to encourage his children to pause and reflect on their own personal ethics when he sees them struggling with tough decisions. He simply asks them one question: “What is the right thing to do in this situation?”
John’s story and method of teaching his children reverberated in my head for days. I have never been in the military, but I wondered what kinds of life situations would potentially call my values and code of ethics into question. What scenarios might seriously challenge my sense of integrity? For example, I am adamant when it comes to not perpetrating violence against people in the world, and I wouldn’t hesitate to declare that as a code by which I live.
But what if somebody broke into my house in the middle of the night, and threatened to harm my wife and child? What would become of my code of ethics with regard to violence in that situation? Would I be willing to cross that line?
During the calm moments of our lives, most of us don’t think about our personal ethics and core values. We all have them, of course, but we don’t necessarily ponder the ramifications of losing sight of them. For example, when someone criticizes a political candidate you support, it makes sense that you’d forget about your values altogether and indulge in firing insults at back and forth at each other. Compromising your values can also go quietly undetected, such as making the choice to work extended hours throughout the weekend to meet a deadline when you’d just recently sworn to yourself you’d be scheduling more time for your family.
Here are some suggestions for getting clearer on your values:
-Find a quiet window of time when you are not distracted, and take the opportunity to reflect on what is deeply important to you, (values).
-Recall John’s story of waiting on the tarmac and thinking through various scenarios he might encounter, requiring him to make decisions that would challenge his code of ethics.
-Now think about your professional life, and imagine a scenario requiring decisions that would call into question your code of ethics. Think the scenario through at least 2 times, making alternate decisions for each. Compare the scenarios and see if you have a clear handle on where you draw the line.
This process will be incredibly valuable when faced with heated situations in which you might have otherwise been inclined to react vs. respond.
-Take a sheet of paper and fold it in half, length wise. On one side, list 5 things you most value in your personal life. On the other side, list 5 things you most value in your professional life. Then open the sheet of paper and check for conflicts between your professional values and your personal values, (e.g. working extended hours over the weekend to meet a deadline is important; spending time with your family over the weekend is important.) When it comes to making a choice, you’ll be faced with a compromise, but one of the choices will inevitably hold more value for you than the other.
Getting clear on your values and code of ethics will expedite your everyday decision-making, and might even help you avoid a crisis in conscience as a result of stepping over your own line. It’s possible you’ve never actually taken time to reflect on (and identify) your values and ethics, but you do have them, nonetheless. And while you’ll find a fair bit of gray area exploring these topics, it is still extremely beneficial to identify these things for yourself as best as you can–and to do so while you’re in smooth waters; you don’t want to find yourself in dire straits without a moral compass.
