Paralyzed By Fear Of Failure? (Or Maybe It’s Fear Of Being A Sleaze-Ball)

I attended a sales conference recently, and a speaker was touting the notion that the root cause of inaction and hesitation in the sales process is fear. He passionately argued that when you’re reluctant to ask a prospect to buy from you, or when you procrastinate in making 4^th and 5^th follow-up calls to a particular client, or when you’re disinclined to send another round of promotional emails—it’s fear of rejection and failure causing these hesitations.

Following that line of thinking, the next logical step for solving the problem would be to simply employ a few clever tools, tips, and tricks to keep you moving forward. “Just pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Feel the fear and do it anyway.” That sort of thing.

After 20 years of attending mandatory sales trainings, cutting edge seminars, and lectures presented by well-respected sales gurus, I’ve heard the “it all boils down to fear” nugget preached like Gospel more times than I can possibly count. Although this is sometimes the case, there’s a far more compelling reason salespeople hesitate to push towards closing a deal–and that reason is rarely discussed.

Here are some key questions worth exploring that might better help you pinpoint the rub:

• What is my primary goal with this prospective client?
• Is this a good-fit client?
• Do my products, services and recommendations genuinely meet the needs of this prospective customer?
• Are the customer’s needs in the forefront of my mind 100% throughout the sales process?
• Am I applying pressure in the sales process by instilling fear, doubt, or guilt with my language? Why am I doing this?
• Am I desperate to be in control of this sale? Why am I desperate?
• Am I pushing for a quick close for fear that the customer might change his or her mind?
• Am I using techniques to sway the customer’s decision, or is this person genuinely interested in buying from me?

Next, consider this tried-and-true method taught by countless trainers who are “successful” in their field:

A sales trainer at a seminar randomly selects an audience member to play the role of a prospective source for referrals. With great intensity and volume, he hammers a string of interrogation-style questions and instructions at the hypothetical prospect: “Can you think of people in your network who would find my type of service valuable? Name 5 people in your industry who are most like you. Just name the first 5 people who come to mind! Now name 5 people in an industry similar to yours. Next—off the top of your head: Who is your biggest competitor?”

Eventually this interaction gets so uncomfortable, the would-be referral source caves in and blurts out a few names, at which point, the sales rep badgers the individual into furnishing contact information for the prospects. What are their positions? What’s the best way to contact them? Do you have email addresses and phone numbers?” Then, without skipping a beat, the sales rep hammers the referral source about informing the new prospects to expect a call from him later this week.

Finally, the trainer turns back to the audience and says: “See how easy it is to get referrals!”

Statistically, this approach to obtaining referral sources has a proven track record of success. However, if a mentor or sales coach were to suggest using this approach, you’d likely hesitate. Would your hesitation be rooted in a fear of failure? Would the proposed method challenge your M.O., sparking resistance to push beyond your comfort zone? Or would something else cause you to hesitate?

Perhaps this kind of behavior violates your sense of dignity. Perhaps your hesitation is not fear-based, but is, in fact, driven by a personal choice to not conduct yourself in a manner that is self-centered, dominating, overbearing, and crass. Perhaps this odious approach is at odds with one of your core values—to treat people with decency and consideration in all areas of your life, and to not make an exception and act like a smarmy used car salesman in your professional life.

If it were possible to obtain referrals in a manner that wouldn’t compromise your core values in any way, would you do it more often? What if you could approach business deals with greater self-awareness and empathy for your prospective clients, removing all pressure from the process? Would you do it more often? Of course, the answer is yes. Deep down, we all want to conduct business with integrity and with respect for the customer, but we often find ourselves justifying questionable methods for closing deals. If the customer knew what was really going on, they’d feel manipulated and scammed—and rightfully so.

Obviously, our moral guidelines have a huge impact on what we do, but it’s not always easy to recognize when there’s a discrepancy between your actions and your values—especially in the professional arena where the pursuit of the almighty dollar is in the forefront of everyone’s mind. After all, it’s our job to make money, damn it, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

That said, sometimes we do feel guilty, and sometimes we are reluctant to plough ahead with a seemingly-viable business endeavor. What I’m suggesting here is that making money is not the rub; it’s the approach to making money that will likely send up a red flag and cause you to pause. The manner in which you deal with your fellow human beings is no small detail in the context of sales and business, and we all know this to be true.

So there’s a dilemma—what to do with these widely-touted, road-tested, aggressive closing techniques that, when employed, leave you wanting to take a hot, soapy shower?

Consider the following: What if you were to shift the focus in your business interactions from “closing the deal in any way possible” to approaching prospects with the intention to serve them, get to the truth, fully understand and meet their needs, and to help them to the best of your ability. If this were the baseline approach to all your professional endeavors, (including the creation of referral partnerships) it’s inevitable that your needs would also be met, and that you’d come away from your exchanges and transactions feeling good about yourself and about your professional conduct. No fear of failure to overcome. No hesitation.