We all want to be happy; right? So what are some practical ways to boost your own happiness index?
In the first part of this article, I uncovered the four drivers of long-term happiness. Let’s review:
- Self-Regard – Happiness is a by-product of believing in yourself and living a life according to what’s important to you – your values and beliefs. Your self-regard promotes positive feelings about yourself and enhances your confidence and satisfaction.
- Interpersonal Relationships – It should be no surprise that having meaningful and important relationships is a great comfort and joy in life. These relationships actually act as a buffer against life’s daily demands and provide support and encouragement to you on a regular basis.
- Optimism – When you face setbacks or disappointments, your ability to rebound and reclaim your happiness is largely contingent on one thing – your optimism for the future. Being optimistic is an outlook that makes you hopeful about the future and gives you the energy to tackle whatever obstacles stand in your way.
- Self-Actualization – Happiness is created by your willingness to grow and learn on your journey. This must be aligned with your values and what is important to you. Self-actualization is simply pursuit of meaning. When you are doing work and living a life with purpose and meaning to you, your happiness will soar.
So the next question is obvious, how do I improve those four things that drive my happiness? Let’s look at each of these areas a little closer so you can have the “happy dance” in your future.
1. Self-Regard – In general, your self-regard is going to be bolstered when you accept your personal strengths and limitations while remaining satisfied and secure in your own abilities. If you need to boost your self-regard, you may:
- Be more conservative in your estimation of your capabilities.
- Be unable to recognize or fully appreciate your strengths or be able to forgive yourself for your weaknesses.
- Be low in self-confidence and fight feelings of inadequacy.
Action Strategies:
If you feel inferior, less talented or capable than others; you may need to create some strategies for improving. Here are some suggestions:
Make a list of your strengths, as well as your areas that can be improved. For each strength listed, look for ways you can use it in your work and personal life. For each improvement area, assign a strength that can be leveraged. For example, if your weakness is that you don’t step forward and express your opinion with others at work, use your strong technical knowledge as a way to show expertise and state your opinions more confidently.
Since your self-doubt can be very obvious to others, you will need to work on how you present yourself to the world, in addition to how you develop your inner confidence.
- SEE what success would look like to you in a given situation (e.g. I will close the sale without discounting my services).
- THINK about how you will achieve your goal and tell yourself, and others, how it will be done.
- DO follow-through and execute your plan and present yourself confidently (use good eye-contact, an upright posture, and a steady-paced voice/inflection).
2. Interpersonal Relationships – This area is all about developing and maintaining strong relationships with others based on compassion, trust and mutual give-and-take. If you need work in this area, it’s likely that you need to:
- Build up a useful network of friends and colleagues, in addition to having a close and loving relationship with your significant other.
- Make sure that your relationships are authentic and that you get to know people on a personal level.
- Feel comfortable around others and look forward to social interactions.
Action Strategies:
Remember that recognition goes a long way toward building relationships. Celebrate events that are important to others. You also should express appreciation or recognition on a regular basis. (e.g. a job well done by a co-worker). Leverage your empathy skills (understanding where others are coming from) to determine what type of recognition and appreciation will be valued by others.
Share the truth. Healthy relationships need to be based on open communication without fear that your opinion will cause unexpected negative consequences. Here’s a way that you can share honestly with others while preserving your relationships.
- Write down what you feel or think about a situation. Review your statement and list the potential positive and negative reactions or outcomes from sharing your opinion.
- Make sure that you re-think your opinion to consider both the potential positive and negative reactions. (This doesn’t mean that you have to change your opinion; just to be aware of all sides before sharing.)
- Phrase your opinion starting with an agreement statement and ending with your true opinion.
- Maintain a respectful engagement with others regardless of agreement. Give them respect for their opinion and be prepared to discuss openly as needed.
3. Optimism – Do you see the world in a positive light? Is your glass half-full? If you need to work on your optimism, it may be that you:
- See or focus on the negative side of things (glass half-empty approach).
- Are not hopeful about the future.
- Are dragged down by obstacles and setbacks.
Action Strategies:
If there are times when you feel less optimistic, pay attention to what triggers these more pessimistic feelings. Is it when you are feeling tight deadlines, working with certain people, working on certain projects, etc.? Challenge the validity of your pessimism in these situations by looking to your past and confirming whether you were successful or unsuccessful in similar circumstances. If your pessimism is warranted, then consider creating a contingency plan as needed.
If you are normally a positive person but find yourself wavering, you may need to reevaluate your goals so that you can feel better about a successful outcome.
- Start by breaking down your goals and activities into manageable and attainable steps or tasks.
- Become solution-focused for the smaller steps or tasks and avoid feeling overly burdened or overwhelmed by the larger goal.
- For each smaller step, determine what success looks like and stay focused on attaining the result you seek to help restore your confidence.
Self-Actualization – Do you find purpose and meaning in the work that you do? If you need to work on your self-actualization, it probably means that you need to:
- Put value on training and keeping your expertise current and relevant.
- Create a vision and plan for yourself that matches the person you want to become (and doing the work that you want to do).
- Continue to strive to excel, and not just go through the motions.
Action Strategies:
Sometimes you may need to put what you do under closer scrutiny to see if you can develop or tap into your deeper passion. Write down some of the work you do that you find motivating. Write down everything that applies, no matter how small. Review this list weekly to stay focused and inspired to do your best.
Protect your time. If you have a strong sense about what you are passionate about; make sure you protect and block your time so that you have time for the things that are most important and enjoyable for you.
