Despite our perceptions to the contrary at times, we are definitely products of our environments. I was reminded of this yesterday as I was walking through the parking lot at Kroger with three bags of groceries.
It’s not an entirely West Coast versus East Coast thing…although there are definitely differences. It may be a Southern thing too, as I have seen differences with New Englanders which are more in liking with the West Coast. But after living in California for 18 months and returning to Virginia, there are a few things that I keep seeing and experiencing that have me wishing I was back in San Francisco (or that I could at least mind-meld some West Coast philosophies into the folks in the Old Dominion).
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m a born-and-raised Virginia boy and have always been proud of my roots. And I don’t want to bash the good people of Virginia, or Richmond for that matter, but I feel compelled to say, “Really???” At least that’s the G-rated version of what I experienced with the lady from Kroger.
And before I go any further in my rant, let me make it clear that I know that I am making some generalizations and I realize that there are exceptions to every rule. But my observations strongly suggest that there are cultural norms at play here that are decidedly different between the right and the left coast.
So here are three things I wish every Richmonder (Virginian, Southerner or East Coaster) would learn from the West Coast. (I’m sure I can follow-up with another post about what every West Coaster could learn from those in the East, but that’s going to take some more thinking on my part.)
Grace – More specifically, pedestrian right-away. So to my story from yesterday… I was walking across the striped pedestrian crosswalk in the Kroger parking lot in Willow Lawn with both hands loaded with groceries. I had made it to the middle of the street. I had time to continue across to the other side but I hesitated to see if the oncoming car was going to slow down and stop for me. It wasn’t. An oversized SUV driven by a 40ish soccer mom had no intention of pausing for just a few seconds, even though there was ample time for her to roll to a stop to let me proceed.
Trust me, this is not an isolated incident. I remember, being struck with the observation while living in California that drivers (no matter how fast they are going honor the pedestrian right-away). One could argue that it’s the law, but it seems that in Virginia the law only applies if a cop happens to be nearby. The reality is that people in Virginia (and beyond) are looking out for themselves and their agenda and most do not automatically offer grace (and right-away) to pedestrians. Instead, it’s an every-man-for-himself attitude and you better get the heck out of my way!
I could make the same argument for drivers and cyclists. In addition to a more prevalent bike culture and bike paths, Californians are just more aware and thoughtful about sharing the road. At a time when we see fatalities and injuries caused by inattentive or distracted drivers on the rise, this is a lesson we could all learn. Simply slow down and offer “grace.” The beauty of this approach is you’ll actually find that you smile more and you stress less. So Virginians, young and old, “just chill.”
Environmental Consciousness – Let’s face it, those tree-huggers on the West Coast are simply and emphatically better stewards of our planet. San Francisco is the greenest city in the U.S. (yes, people rate these things). They actually have a city goal for “Zero Waste.” Specifically, by the year 2020, they want to have no waste – zero, nada, zilch – going into landfills. I’m not even sure how that is possible, but they are well on their way. Everyone in the bay area has three trashcans – one for recycling, one for composting and one for the landfill. Yes, the recycle can is the same size as the one for garbage, not some little plastic recycle bin! And everyone recycles; not just the hippies! Our planet’s resources are finite; isn’t it about time we did what was right and not what is convenience?
Of course, walking and taking public transportation are a way of life in San Francisco too. It’s not just the “poor” people that can’t afford to drive and park that hop on the bus. And let me point out that “walking the hills” in San Francisco is some serious work, so East Coasters have no excuse. In the city on the bay, you see mothers with strollers and grandmothers with bags of groceries hoofing it up steep grades that look like the initial ascent of a scary roller coaster without giving it a second thought.
Tolerance – To some of my East Coast friends, you will read this and be shocked by the “lewd” and inappropriate behavior I’m about to disclose. To those, I kindly request that you keep an open mind and see if you learn anything from the mother in my story. On a beautiful September day in 2012, I was walking across a major intersection – Castro and Market – in San Francisco. This particular intersection has a plaza area adjacent to the street where people congregate, have coffee, and people watch. It is also a place where it is quite common to see several nudists casually standing around or sitting with their newspapers enjoying the day. They are usually men, but the occasional woman would sometimes join the ranks and give her ta-tas an airing out. Now, I have to admit, the first time I saw this, my Virginia sensibilities were a bit whacked out. “How can that be? Aren’t there laws about public nudity?” I asked a long-time San Franciscan incredulously. Apparently there were some, but they were not enforced (at least not then…things have since changed).
Anyway, on this particular fall day, I was half way across the street walking alongside a mother with her young daughter. My guess is the child was about 4 years old. The daughter looked at her Mom and innocently asked, “Mommy, why don’t those men have any clothes on?” Without missing a beat, the mother said, “Some people get hot and don’t like to wear clothes.” The daughter seemed to accept the response without question. The mother, realizing I overheard the exchange, looked over to me and said, “This is what you do when you live in the Castro.” In other words, you live and let live. No one is right or wrong, they’re just different.
Obviously, this brings another distinction between my home state of Virginia and my adopted state of California – tolerance as it relates to gays and lesbians. It’s not unusual to see same-sex couples walking hand-in-hand in SF; a rare site indeed in Richmond. Despite liberal or conservative views or any proclivity for bible-thumping, I’m simply talking about tolerance here – letting love be love and people be people (even when they are not like us).
So before my Virginia friends and family start calling me a blasphemous traitor, I only want to share that if we ALL can embrace tolerance, grace and consciousness for each other and our planet in the “little” things we do each day, wouldn’t it be a better place to live?
And to the SUV-driving soccer mom at Kroger I simply say, “Have a nice day!”
