I’m in Charlotte this week working with my largest client. I’m working with a group of salespeople and today was non-stop role plays. Let me start by saying no one likes role plays. But the benefits are huge. Getting constructive and specific feedback is invaluable for making improvements. Well, that is if you actually want to improve.
One of the participants, who has some very strong skills, is lacking in one important one – empathy. In other words, he has a hard time relating to others in a way that genuinely shows interests and compassion. He tends to be very results-oriented and is consequently not too focused on feelings or for how others might perceive his very no-nonsense, direct approach.
In fact, before I could get out all of my feedback to him, he acknowledged – “If it’s about being more empathetic; that’s not me. Just ask my wife!” In other words, he knew he wasn’t good at it and seemed to almost be gloating about it, as if to glorify his shortcomings. In other words, he was rationalizing why he wasn’t good at something with no interest in fixing it.
When we say, “That’s just the way I am” matter-of-factly; it’s like saying I’ve accepted that I’m not good at this and I have no desire to change, to grow or to get better. Is that how you treat yourself, your career or your relationships?
In this case, his comments hit me as acceptance…perhaps resignation…and definitely indifference. It was the acknowledgement that he wasn’t good at being empathetic and he had no desire to change it – even though he was in complete control of making that change. And doing so would enhance his relationships with others.
Now, I realize that changing is not always easy. But do you want to be the employee who isn’t willing to change or the husband who isn’t willing to be better for his wife because it’s not convenient to do so? Where is that going to get you?
So, what’s the alternative? The next time you say, “I’m no good at this,” use these four steps to challenge yourself:
1. Ask yourself, “Would making a change in this area be beneficial to me and others?”
2. If the answer is “yes,” create a list of things you can do to become better.
3. Do something TODAY from that list to practice being better.
4. Continue to work on things you can do on a regular basis to improve your skills
We will never be great at everything. But being unwilling to change and improve is a sure-fire way to limit yourself and the positive impact you can make every single day.
