Last week, I wrote an article about living without regrets. I chose to focus on the relationships that are meaningful to us and how to cultivate them, since it’s all too easy to fall into an “I’ll do that later when I have more time” mindset. The thought was prompted by a friend who had recently lost an old friend he had wished he had reached out to before it was too late.
The article gave me time to reflect on my own relationships and I subsequently made my list and started the process of connecting and re-connecting with people that I
hold near and dear; even if we don’t always take the time to get together. I just spent 10 glorious days with my daughter sharing some of the amazing places I’ve discovered in California. And just this morning I mailed three cards with personal letters and pics to loved ones as a way of letting them know that I was thinking about them. I also reconnected with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a few years and we have committed to get together on my next trip to Virginia in a couple of weeks. I have to admit though, since moving to California about 15 months ago, I do a better job of connecting than I did when I lived in Virginia. I know that it’s because I’ve come to appreciate my relationships more and not take them for granted.
While connecting with friends and family are an important part of living regret-free, there are other things that are also important. Many of you have probably heard or read about Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse who spent years caring for patients who were in their final weeks of life. What she discovered was that her patients had five main regrets on their dying beds. One of them happens to be staying in touch with friends, so it looks like we’re on the right track. Let’s look at a couple of the other ones:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. At the end of your life, I guess there is often clarity (and regret) on what dreams went unfulfilled. What a disheartening thing to realize that the choices you made or didn’t make allowed many of your dreams to pass by.
The good news is that YOU can still do something about it. I’m fortunate and I count my blessings every day. When I did my pilgrimage to New Zealand over five years ago, I came back a new and different man. I realized that I was not living my dream life, although it was good by many respects. I made hard choices and changes that have only enriched my life since then. In fact, our U-Factor program was developed just so we could help others on their own journeys.
So what can you do if your dreams are withering on the vine? Here are a few things to consider to start moving in the right direction.
- Clearly articulate your dreams. Write them down. Go thru a visioning exercise to see and express your ideal life in detail.
- Once you know what you want, figure out where you want to focus your attention and intention. Create a plan or an action path that will start you moving in the right direction.
- Make sure you not only REALLY want it, but that you BELIEVE you can achieve it. This is the part of my work that I relish – helping people break through their own limitations to see the potential that lies within them. So many people hold themselves back out of fear, out of pleasing others (and not themselves) or out of not knowing how to move forward and build the proper momentum to make their dreams a reality.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. This was a big regret of men on their deathbeds but it certainly crosses gender, particularly in our day and age.
I can certainly harp on this one as well. The truth is I used to be a workaholic many moons ago and now I could better be described as a vacationholic. I was purposeful in setting up my dream life that allows me to work when I want and enjoy my life. The last couple of years I have taken the equivalent of 4 – 5 months of vacation. I can’t remember the last time I worked a 40-hour workweek and I have as much flexibility as I want. I’m actually dumbfounded that more people don’t make this happen.
I think the two biggest reasons that people get stuck working too hard is that they have failed to find value and passion in other parts of their life or they are living the life that others expect of them (which could be their boss or spouse or parents.) Often, their self-worth and identity are wrapped up in their professional accomplishments. It’s a part of their life that they can control and a part of their life where they can excel. Personally, I agree that you should excel in your work. I just think you should do it in 40 hours or less (depending on your own goals and dreams). But don’t take my word for it, take the lesson from the dying to heart while you still can.
You may be thinking that it’s easy for me and my lifestyle would never work for you. And perhaps you’re right. But in case you’re interested, my ability to travel and take time off all started with figuring out my ideal life and creating a path to get there. And that path took me years and years to travel (and that’s ok, it was all worth it).
Of course, it’s so much easier to have the flexibility and freedom when you work for yourself but that means you have to take risks and get out of your comfort zone. And most people are not willing or able to go there. At least that’s what they BELIEVE. Do you see the trend here? I hope so, because it’s never too late to change…if you really WANT it. And by that, I mean you have to want the new life more than you want to stay in your secure comfortable life to really live regret-free.
