In a recent interview at the Rio Olympics, Nellie Biles commented that when her famous daughter, Simone, first entered the elite ranks of women gymnastics in 2013, she felt like she didn’t belong. Simone’s father commented that Simone was struggling with her confidence. She didn’t believe that she belonged with the other elite gymnasts.
Intimidated by the talent of the other athletes and her own place among them, Simone was struggling. Her mother’s sound advice at the 2013 World Championships was just what the 16 year-old needed. Nellie’s motherly advice was, “You need to go out there and be the best Simone.” In other words, don’t worry about the other competitors, just focus on being the best you can be.
And the rest is history.
Fast forward through three World Championship titles and we see a different Simone. Hailed as the best woman gymnast of all time, her confidence during these 2016 Olympics is unflappable.
She’s a crowd favorite with her breathtaking athleticism and cheery disposition. But beneath it all is a determination and a dedication to put in the hard work that got her to these games. Let’s face it, you don’t get to be the best in the world without really wanting it and being willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
But perhaps there’s a lesson that we can all walk away with isn’t about how hard work pays off or you have to dream big to do big things. Of course, those are great lessons. But perhaps the lesson is that even the greatest among us started at a place where they needed to believe in themselves. Perhaps they are more like us than we think. They needed a little support and encouragement along the way. They needed to look within and find their strength. They needed to shift their beliefs to reach new levels.
Self-confidence and the belief in ourselves is so fundamental to our success in life. In fact, among emotional intelligence traits that are proven to be critical to high performance, I would argue that it is by far the most important. So how do we cultivate and nurture it?
When I work with business people or athletes, there are a number of ways I do this. Let’s look at a few of these:
Shift Your Limiting Beliefs – When we lack self-confidence, we are holding onto a belief that we are not good enough. Just like Simone’s feeling that she didn’t belong in the company of other elite gymnasts, we, too, can lack the confidence that we have what it takes in our own pursuits. The first step is to recognize that our belief is holding us back. The belief has to be shifted. This may take some time or need to be reframed. Again, Simone was able to shift or reframe from thinking, “I don’t belong and I’m not good enough” to “I can be the best I can be.” In her case, it was an internal reflection about herself instead of an obsession of others (her competition).
In a telling meme that has circulated on social media during the 2016 Rio Olympics, Michael Phelps is photographed powering ahead of his rival Chad Le Clos in the 200 meter butterfly. Phelps is focused on himself and looking straight ahead at his goal and Le Clos is captured craning his neck staring at Phelps in utter defeat. The headline is, “Winners focus on winning. Losers focus on winners.” It could easily be said that winners believe that they need to beat themselves (internal reflection) or as Nellie Biles would say, “Be the best YOU can be,” and the rest will take care of itself.
Recognize Your Accomplishments – One easy way to boost your self-confidence and shift your beliefs is to recognize what you do well. So many of us underestimate our achievements and don’t give ourselves the credit that we deserve. There is a tendency to focus on what went wrong and not appreciate and honor what we’ve done well. In my work, I always want my clients to get some small victories, particularly in areas where they don’t feel strong about their abilities. With each small victory, you can chip away at your limiting beliefs and start to build more and more confidence in your abilities. Here, specificity matters. For example, if you don’t feel like you are good at swimming, you want to look for your small victories in the water so you can start to reframe and build confidence.
Surround Yourself With Supporters – Nellie and Ron Biles can be seen cheering their daughter on to Olympic victory. They are always there providing unconditional support, both at competitions and at home. We need to do the same. Whether you get your significant other, teammates or a coach involved; having others on your side can be a huge boost to your self-confidence. With that said, if you are surrounded by naysayers or those who are better at tearing you down instead of building you up, it’s time to break free.
