It was around noon on a Monday and I was getting ready to have lunch with my wife and daughter at a little diner in Richmond. Typically I don’t get the opportunity to have lunch with my family on a Monday so I was grateful for the occasion. We piled into a booth in the corner of the restaurant, and soon, our server, Lisa, came over to greet us. We placed our order and both my wife and I thanked her. So far we didn’t think anything was going to be out of the ordinary about this meal. But evidently it was anything but ordinary for Lisa.
Amanda and I chatted while we waited for our meals. My main task at this point was to keep my four year-old preoccupied in an activity so everyone (including other patrons) could dine in peace. I decided to challenge my daughter to build a skyscraper using only the resources native to the table—a challenge she eagerly accepted. The knives, forks, sugar packets, jelly singles, and even the salt shaker were transformed into a masterpiece of balancing precision. Soon it became a towering cacophony of color and shape of which my daughter was immensely proud. When Lisa returned with our drinks I asked her opinion of this engineering masterpiece. She said it looked fabulous. I motioned to my daughter to thank Lisa for her kind words, which she did, and then I assured her we would deconstruct it and put everything back in its proper pace. Lisa laughed out loud and walked away.
Within a minute, the unfortunate, but inevitable, collapse of Logan’s tower occurred, and was followed with huge tears of disappointment. Luckily, Lisa arrived moments later with our meal, turning the tide of my daughter’s brewing mood. Again, I turned to Lisa and thanked her for the great service. Lisa flashed a broad smile, and my wife and daughter both chimed in with more kind words aimed at Lisa for her tolerance of the mess we were making of the table.
We ate uninterrupted for a few more minutes, continuing with our small talk until finally it was time for the check. As if on que, Lisa magically appeared and presented us with our bill. After placing it gently on the edge of one of the vacant saucers, she put both hands on the table, looked us in the eye and uttered a very strange complement, “Thanks for just really being decent people to me today.” It was an awkward comment, but so sincere and genuine. She held us in her gaze for a moment, flashed her warm smile and then walked away.
The comment stuck with me as I tried to wrap my mind around why she said it. Was she having a bad day? Were her previous customers intolerably rude to her? I struggled to come up with the context for the compliment. Then a thought came to mind. It was less than 24 hours before the presidential election. Everything on the radio and TV and especially on social media was seething with controversy, allegations, anger, and disagreement. Had we created an oasis at our table? Had we unwittingly invited our waitress to join us inside a bubble of human kindness?
I shared my thoughts with Amanda out loud as we got back into our car to return home. She agreed but also offered another perspective. She felt we also acknowledged Lisa not as our server but rather as a human being who deserved to be seen, recognized and appreciated. Although we’d offered up a few philosophical reasons for the interaction, something was still eating at us. Why was our simple interaction with Lisa seen as notable and worthy of a thank-you?
There was something more I wanted to understand about this simple exchange—a lingering, subtle piece of this puzzle, and it came together for me later that evening when I stumbled upon this quote:
“When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.”
-Dalai Lama
And therein lies the answer. Amanda, Logan and I were grateful for the opportunity to have lunch together on a Monday; it was, in fact, only the second time we’d done it all year. Our interactions with Lisa were an extension of that gratitude, and we thanked her for allowing us to enjoy our meal together, and for allowing our little girl to have fun with the table accessories.
I wanted to share this simple story with you this week—specifically in light of all the tumultuous hub-bub that’s been going on in our nation, the fighting, the insulting, the extreme stance-taking and pontificating from all sides.
There’s a lot to be said for counting one’s blessings and committing random acts of human kindness on a daily basis. The effects of simply feeling and expressing gratitude are profound. Maybe the next step toward our new direction starts with, as Lisa put it, more people “just being decent.”
That’s a nice post Chris. When I hit a fast food spot for lunch and enjoy it, I will often return to the front counter and tell anyone who will listen “Lunch was delicious today.” Those employees aren’t used to getting that type of feedback, and they often deserve it.
At my office (where I am the “big boss” in the corner office), we have a team of custodians that come in every afternoon around 2:30 to clean the bathrooms, empty trash cans, and vacuum a couple of times a week. I’ve been polite to them in the past, but never gave more than a cursory greeting to most of them. A few months ago, a new lady was assigned to empty my trash can, and instead of just saying hello, I decided to open up a bit, struck up a brief conversation and asked for her name. I always make sure to thank her every day, encourage her, and use her name “Ida” at least once in our daily 30-second encounter. She is so grateful that I take a brief moment every day to “be decent” to her. She often says very kind and flattering things to me, and I’m rewarded knowing that “being decent” to Ida truly helps her feel good about her tedious and often thankless job.
That’s great to hear Josh!
I wonder how your daily interaction has positively influenced the way Ida approaches others?
Keep on “Being Decent”!
What a wonderful article Chris, thank you.
I’m glad you ejoyed it Patty!