A good friend of mine recently asked me a curious question that caught me a little off guard. “You are out and about all of the time. Your business seems to be doing well. You have to be working your butt off raising a 7-month old. Yet, after years of marriage, you and your wife still act like you’re dating. How do you do that?” I thought for a moment and said “It probably has to with the little dates we take.”
The “other” person in my life is the most important. Yep, that would be my wife. She is awesome and works just as hard as I do. It was so easy in the first few months after Logan was born to get caught up in the- work-sleep-(or no sleep)-grind. I’m sure you are familiar with the routine. You get up, rush to eat, get everything and everyone ready, work your guts out all day, and then focus all of remaining attention on your children. When you are finished, you just collapse into bed. We were doing that and fast becoming “just roommates” and both of us hated it.
Note: Before I begin, I would like to just put it out there that anyone that says a relationship is destined to either work or not work is missing the boat. I am not a therapist or a marriage counselor by any stretch of the imagination but I know all relationships are like a wooden boat. When it gets a little daily maintenance and TLC it looks like a beautiful and functional work of art. If you don’t make the time to take care of it; soon it’s going to start breaking down, rot, and eventually…well, it’s gonna sink.
The Coffee Date
Because our schedules are nuts right now, we find it critical to share at least 10-15 minutes of time together first thing in the morning. I noticed we were making each other late for work from time to time doing breakfast because we would get overly chatty. We needed a creative way to start and stop our “quality time.” So we came up with something very simple – a coffee date! When Amanda is almost finished with getting ready, two cups of coffee magically appear, I sit on the stoop of the stairs, and we talk about a few things. Usually it is about something we are looking forward to doing that day or maybe something that that is really on our mind. Whatever it is, we know we have the undivided attention of the other.
The Walking Date
If we have a little time and the weather is nice, we will put Logan in the Bjorn or backpack and head off on a brisk 15-minute evening walk with the dogs. During that time, we have some conversations about all kinds of things like how each other’s day went, what Logan did, or what we want for dinner. Sometimes, especially if it has been a rough day, we just hold hands, walk slowly and not talk about anything except the birds, trees, and flowers. The point is we purposefully take a mini break outside before we go back into the confines of the house. It really helps clear our lungs, heads and our hearts. Besides, we both love being active together and what better way to enjoy each other’s company than on our little “walks.”
The Book Club Date
I will give full credit of this little nugget to my wife. My wife is a book worm and I HATE TO READ!!! For ages, she would encourage me to read various types of books that she had read and thought I would enjoy. When she would recommend a book I would respond rather gruffly “I don’t have time for that! Besides, I have the attention of a 2-year old!” She decided to solve my “challenge “by getting a smart phone app (Audible.com) and downloading it to both of our phones. The app allows us to share books that we can listen to on the go…freaking genius I tell you. Now, usually at dinner, we will spend about 15 minutes talking about the book we are “reading” and enjoy discussions like; where we are in the book and if we like it. If it is a leadership, success, or self improvement book that is an added bonus. We intensely discuss how we could potentially integrate the learnings into what we do for a living. I have to admit, I’m not big on book clubs but this is kind of cool.
Amanda and I enjoy spending quality time with each other, the challenge is we are usually strapped for time. We decided we needed to put forth genuine effort in order to continue to nurture a healthy relationship. We knew our lives were changing and we wanted to willingly change together. These three simple tips only require about 15 minutes at a time. You can do them once a day or all three in a day. I realize now more than ever, it’s not the quantity of time you spend with your significant other – it’s the quality of that that time that makes all the difference.
This article is dedicated to my wonderful wife of 13 years on her first Mother’s Day!
