The Art Of Mindful Networking

Dare to be in the top 1%

I learned very early in my career that accomplished networkers build relationships first, connect people to other people second, and think about getting a prospect dead last. Most good networkers already get this.  They do the usual:  learn the person’s name, use it when they can, make small talk to see if they have something in common, then move on to business.  They use active listening tactics like WAIT (why am I talking) or follow the mantra “be interested not interesting.” The purpose is to listen for all important connections so they have an “in.” They pick up on where the person grew up or what they do for fun or their last vacation, and then slowly bend the conversation to business.    These are all tried and true ways of making great connections in a business setting. The top 10% of networkers do this extremely well.  Do you want to step it up a notch and make the top 1%?  Mindful networking can get you there.

WARNING: This is not for the faint of heart

There is so much research out there suggesting that people are more inclined to do business with you if they know you on some sort of personal level.  Yet, some folks still don’t instinctively connect personally in a business setting.  Because of this, people naturally put up their defenses in a networking setting, especially when they see a new face.  We have all done it – asked the classic question, “Who is that and what do they want from me?”  Once that perception of the new guy has changed, people usually warm up quite quickly and drop their guard.  It all starts with mindfulness.  In order to create mindfulness in a networking setting, start by increasing your awareness.  Here is something you can do before EACH networking encounter to make sure you are 100% engaged with the other person.  I use five steps because, you guessed it, there are 5 senses.

1)     Notice how fast you are breathing.  Is it shallow and fast or calm and steady?

2)     What is the taste of your last beverage? Can you still sense it on your tongue?

3)     What are the aromas you smell? Is it perfume, cookies, B.O. (just don’t say anything) or the waft from the hors d’oeuvres?

4)     What is the softest thing you can hear right at that moment? Dial into it, really strain to hear it, identify where it is coming from.

5)     Lastly, what do you see in front of you and around you?  Notice the dominant color in the room. What is the most common dress or suit style?  Most importantly, where are YOU in relationship to everything and everyone else?

Now most of you have already started to say “This is way to woo-woo for me,” or “This sounds like it’s straight out of the Matrix movie.”  Well, let’s test that.  You just dialed up all of your senses to 10 and you have entered a heightened state of awareness. True masters of martial arts use this tactic before they begin teaching a student or engaging an opponent. That’s EXACTLY the state of consciousness you want to be in right BEFORE you enter into a conversation. This whole exercise is an effort to prep the brain to take in as much information as it possibly can.

It’s all about them

For the uninitiated, if you stayed in this heightened state of awareness, you would be so distracted that your head would explode!  You would be humorously fixated on every shiny thing that passes by.  To reset your brain, take 3 seconds before you open your mouth to turn it all off.  Take a slow deep breath, clear your mind and say ONLY one thing to yourself: “How can I help this person?”   Then, take that revved up awareness and convert it to mindfulness by focusing it all on the person standing in front of you.

When that person is talking, hang on every word.  Observe everything they mention about travel, friends, pets, or even what they do for a living. All the while, keep asking yourself the same questions: “What can I do to help this person?” followed by, “Who might be a great connection for them?”

Turn off the WIIFM radio station

What’s in it for me?  Some of you are thinking “WHY would I do any of this?  I thought this was a business setting!  Where are the referrals, the business connections?  I’ve gotta make a living here, and this would just be wasting my time!” (I get this a lot.) The answer is simple; because we are human, we like to be treated as such.  Most find it refreshing, and some find it mind-blowing, that someone would take the time to: A. get to know them, B. offer to help a perfect stranger, and C. ask for nothing in return.

Let’s hang out at C.  99% of the folks going to a networking function are there to do and get business.  It’s what they pay dues for, it’s why they bought the dress clothes, and it’s part of their professional identity.  It’s only natural to want to get something out of it.   The brutal truth: people can smell this on them a mile away and they go right back to putting up their defenses. To be in the top 1%, forget about all of that and just be mindful, present and helpful. Focus ONLY on the relationship with the person in front of you.  Because who in their right mind would show up to a networking event with the sole purpose of ONLY helping and connecting people?  Who the hell is that person and who do they think they are?

And that, my friends, is exactly why you will stand out.  Think about it: wouldn’t you want to do business with someone like that?  I know I would. It’s very tricky to stay at this level of focus with a complete stranger at first.  If you want some practice before you go to your next networking event, try this out a few times with your significant other. I bet they will notice a difference right away!