I was looking over an old workbook that I created for a client today. The specific section I was reviewing was on how to improve communication across generational lines. As I read the material, I was struck by how my own advice flies in direct contrast to what I’ve observed lately on social media as a result of the divisiveness cultivated through the recent political campaign and election cycle.
So before you have a knee-jerk reaction to dismiss someone, revert to name calling, launch into a rant or flash an unconscious eye roll when you hear something you don’t like, here’s some advice to open up and have a productive conversation.
The best way to communicate with others, particularly those who are different from you, is to personalize your communication. When you personalize, you are forced to see someone as another person, not as just as an adversary. Be open, not only to different viewpoints, but to different approaches to connect and communicate as well.
By all means, don’t stereotype people based on their sex, age, background, etc. And don’t assume that your way is the right way when there are differences. When it comes to communicating effectively, you have to be flexible and willing to focus on what will enhance the communication process, even if it requires you to modify your natural communication tendencies or bite your tongue.
As with any communication exchange, if you focus on listening and following the signals of the other person, you’ll have more positive results. Communication is a two-way process. It’s not just about being understood, it’s also about understanding.
There are two critical components that impact your understanding of yourself and others; these are empathy and self-regard. Empathy is simply understanding other people’s positions or viewpoints. Showing empathy does not mean that you agree or disagree; it just means you understand where they are coming from. Think for a moment how interactions with others shift when empathy is shared or when it is withheld. Self-regard, on the other hand, is characterized by not only feeling good about yourself, but by having tolerance and respect for others. Again, how would your interactions shift if you were perceived as confident and fair?
As you are enhancing your communication skills, remember to be patient with yourself (and others). Learning to communicate better is an ongoing process. Focus on being aware of what you and others are doing similarly and differently. Learn to listen to others and it will help you recognized things about yourself that you want to improve. Remember, the things that drive us crazy about others are often those things that drive us crazy about ourselves.
