It’s the beginning of the fourth quarter, are you on track to make your 2012 goals? What’s your answer? What was your immediate ‘gut’ reaction? Because whatever it was, you’re right.
In other words, if your answer was “Heck yea!” I would be willing to bet on your success. And if your answer was, “It’s not looking good,” I would put my wager away. You see, your ‘belief’ (which can be sensed by your immediate gut reaction and not your rationalizing mind) is what is going to drive you to success or failure between now and the end of December.
In the past (if you were not feeling confident with your gut reaction), I would have given you specific strategies to overcome your deficiencies, create more focus and will yourself to success. If you executed as instructed, you would be able to make up lost ground and end the year on a high. That’s the equivalent of throwing a “Hail Mary” with no time left on the clock to win the game. It can happen, it’s just a long-shot (pun intended).
Research indicates that if you think you need to be harder on yourself now, to make up for lost time, you’re not alone. But you are wrong. In fact, the opposite is true. Study after study finds that self-criticism and guilt create less motivation and less self-control. By being supportive and kind to yourself, especially in the presence of stress and failure, you are more likely to restore your motivation.
One study of students at Carleton University in Canada found that students who were harder on themselves for procrastinating on their first exam were more likely to procrastinate on future exams than students who forgave themselves. Forgiveness, not guilt, was the key.
While this flies in the face of our instincts, the research supports that forgiveness increases accountability. Forgiveness helps erase the shame and guilt that becomes a vicious cycle that we want to escape. Without forgiveness, the probability is that we will “fall off the wagon” with our goals and then we repeat the guilt and bad feelings. And the pattern continues and we beat ourselves up. Thoughts like, “I can’t do this” and “I’m such a failure” keep us locked in a grip of self-hate and disappointment. By getting rid of the guilt and self-criticism, through forgiveness, we have nothing to escape and we’re more likely to push through to a successful outcome.
So before your write off the last quarter…stop, forgive your indiscretions, be kind to yourself and move forward. It’s never too late to get a fresh start.
